12 comments that stay-at-home moms just can’t stand to hear anymore
Once you’ve joined the wonderful world of motherhood, you quickly realize that people who judge moms and their choices are lurking at every turn. No matter what our lifestyle choices and the way that we choose to bring up our children, there will always be someone ready with an unwanted opinion or unsolicited advice about our parenting skills. As the years go by, thankfully we learn to take all of these comments with a generous grain of salt.
I’ve chosen to be a stay-at-home mom. I didn’t expect it, but that seems to add an extra challenge to these ‘mom experts’. After more than 7 years of hearing the same things over and over, I’ve become a little jaded and cynical when I get bombarded with these ‘helpful’ words of wisdom…
So here’s my top 12 list when it comes to comments that stay-at-home moms just can’t stomach hearing anymore!
1. YOU’RE LUCKY TO BE ABLE TO STAY HOME!
Yes and no. I don’t want to spark a huge debate, but for me, this was about choice, not luck. I made the choice to stay at home the same way as I made the choice to live in a small house, not to travel, to keep to a strict budget and not to shop too much.
2. YOU’RE SO GOOD TO BE ABLE TO STAY AT HOME – I WOULND’T BE ABLE TO DO IT.
This one can be taken several ways, depending on the way the speaker says it. Honestly, more often than not, it sounds more condescending than complimentary.
3. I STUDIED FOR WAY TOO LONG TO GIVE UP MY WORTH BY STAYING AT HOME.
I never know how to react when I hear this one. I have plenty of academic qualifications… that’s not the point.
4. YOU DON’T MIND THAT YOUR HUSBAND SUPPORTS YOU?
I don’t feel indebted to my husband. It’s a decision that we made together – we’re a team.
5. OH, WERE YOU A DAYCARE EDUCATOR BEFORE?
Um, nope. Not even close. But I think I’m pretty capable when it comes to taking care of my children.
6. WHEN ARE YOU GOING BACK TO WORK?
To be completely honest, I don’t know. We evaluate our situation from one year to the next. For the time being, let’s just say that’s it’s to be determined.
7. YOUR KIDS WILL HAVE TROUBLE MAKING FRIENDS… BEING AT DAYCARE HELPS DEVELOP GOOD SOCIAL SKILLS!
First of all, thanks for weighing in on my kids’ social skills. But do you really think that we spend all our days locked up in the house without seeing anyone else? Let me assure you, my little gang has no trouble making friends.
8. ARE YOU SURE THAT YOU CAN GIVE THEM EVERYTHING THEY NEED TO BE READY FOR KINDERGARTEN?
Wow, thanks for that vote of confidence. I really don’t have anything to add to that!
9. THEIR IMMUNE SYSTEM WON’T BE WELL DEVELOPED…
I can’t really contradict you on this one. But in my opinion, not many kids do have a very strong immune system, whether they go to daycare or not.
10. YOUR KIDS WON’T BE CONFIDENT… THEY WON’T BE READY TO LEAVE THE NEST!
Maybe, maybe not. But if that’s the biggest hurdle we have to overcome, I think we can manage it.
11. WHAT DO YOU DO ALL DAY? DON’T THEY GET BORED? (WHICH REALLY MEANS: HOW DO YOU KEEP THEM OCCUPIED? THEY MUST BE UNDER-STIMULATED AND SPEND TOO MUCH TIME IN FRONT OF THE TV!)
Please, come and spend a day with us! You’ll soon see that our days are very busy!
12. … OH, THAT’S BECAUSE HE DOESN’T GO TO DAYCARE!
This one comes up after just about anything that doesn’t suit your aunt/mother-in-law/friend/neighbour.
I thought that was it for my list, but here’s one more that I just can’t forget… I won’t even give it a number, since it comes up pretty much every single day, but think of it as a bonus:
… YEAH, BUT… YOU MUST HAVE SO MUCH FREE TIME, YOU DON’T WORK!
I know very well that no matter our life choices, our career plans, our family realities, we all have a ‘best of’ list of comments that we can’t bear to hear one more time. The idea here isn’t to create a divide between moms who have made different choices, but to remind us all that it’s better to exchange ideas without passing judgment. We’ll feel a weight off our shoulders and we won’t have to clench our teeth so tightly.
If you need to get something off your chest, free free to share YOUR least favourite unsolicited comment, no matter what your daily life as a mom is like! I shared mine and now it’s your turn!
Article by Véronique Désormeaux
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